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#101 2/29/2012 9:38 pm

Jordan.x
Member
Registered: 10/2/2010
Posts: 1590

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

KoolAIDS wrote:

Maybe he's book-smart, but all I did was make some misspellings while typing fastly trying not to waste my time, I used them both correctly otherwise and he had to be a bitch about it.

Cool story, bro.


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#102 2/29/2012 10:17 pm

User972302
Member
From: I am 18 yrs. old
Registered: 1/14/2011
Posts: 5590
Website

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

KoolAIDS wrote:

Maybe he's book-smart, but all I did was make some misspellings while typing fastly trying not to waste my time, I used them both correctly otherwise and he had to be a bitch about it.

Perhaps now that you've done something more absurd than simply misspelling a word you'll admit you're at fault.

Last edited by User972302 (2/29/2012 10:18 pm)


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TWO War Record: 163.5 - 42.5 (est. 50 matches missing) TW3 War Record: 114 - 45
Total War Record: 277.5 - 87.5 Notable Opponents

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#103 2/29/2012 10:19 pm

CViper
Member
From: Salford, Greater Manchester
Registered: 8/8/2009
Posts: 8039

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

KoolAIDS wrote:

Maybe he's book-smart, but all I did was make some misspellings while typing fastly trying not to waste my time, I used them both correctly otherwise and he had to be a bitch about it.

Wolfy, you're not even book-smart.


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#104 3/1/2012 8:04 pm

KoolAIDS
Banned
From: St. Michaels, MD
Registered: 1/2/2012
Posts: 250
Website

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

CViper wrote:

KoolAIDS wrote:

Maybe he's book-smart, but all I did was make some misspellings while typing fastly trying not to waste my time, I used them both correctly otherwise and he had to be a bitch about it.

Wolfy, you're not even book-smart.

To be fair, yes I did misspell the word, user, now don't be a nerdy smart-ass. CViper, this never concerned you, fuck off. Jordan, refer to what I typed about user.


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#105 3/2/2012 1:24 am

CViper
Member
From: Salford, Greater Manchester
Registered: 8/8/2009
Posts: 8039

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

KoolAIDS wrote:

CViper wrote:

KoolAIDS wrote:

Maybe he's book-smart, but all I did was make some misspellings while typing fastly trying not to waste my time, I used them both correctly otherwise and he had to be a bitch about it.

Wolfy, you're not even book-smart.

To be fair, yes I did misspell the word, user, now don't be a nerdy smart-ass. CViper, this never concerned you, fuck off. Jordan, refer to what I typed about user.

a) I'm not talking about one post.
b) This is a public forum; I can say what I want with regards to anyone,
c) One doesn't need to be a "nerdy smart-ass" to call you out.
d) My point still stands as you're an idiot and you aren't even knowledgeable in even the basics of most subjects.
e) A point once made by Cole: I like my lists in groups of five.


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#106 3/10/2012 4:54 am

Walrus King
Member
From: Tennessee
Registered: 12/2/2009
Posts: 4570

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Next part in The Time-Traveling Racist:

“What do you mean Clive?” asked David.

“Well Dave, while Leo and I were in Germany in the year 1943 we met some crazy asshole who was trying to create the Human Centipede. He also told us he was working for a ‘higher authority’ than the Nazis. That added with the fact that there were concentration camps which fit the description in the pamphlet, and it’s pretty obvious that we need to head back there.”

“Yeah, we should’ve expected it all along,” replied Leonard.

“No actually Leonard, we shouldn’t have. Only an idiot would have suspected something like that. There is absolutely no reason that idea should have occurred to us, now shut the hell up.” Leonard Obeyed. “Now, let’s go grab the thing that can target people’s DNA and go to the time machine.”
Clive and Leonard parked the machine in front of Hitler’s house.

“Leonard, bring the DNA machine in and I’ll talk to Adolf.”
Clive knocked on the door and waited a few minutes. After Adolf’s wife opened the door Clive punched her in the face for being a slow bitch and knocked on Adolf’s door.

“Who is it?” responded Hitler.

“Clive Johnson.”

“Ah yes, come in, come in.”
Clive walked in and saw Hitler at his desk. Sitting directly across from him was Dr. Heiter.

“Dr. Heiter and I were just discussing the possibility of creating a, uh, what was it called?”

“The Human Centipede.” Replied Heiter.

“We’ve decided that it would be a great way to humiliate the Jews, and make Germany an unstoppable force. What did you want to tell me? Do you have the weapons yet?”

“I have one weapon, Leonard is bringing it right now,” said Clive. “Although there’s something else I need to tell you, in private.”

“Alright, well Doctor, if you wouldn’t mind leaving…”

“No I don’t mind, I have business to attend to; Human Centipede business.” Then he left.
Clive whispered now. “Dr. Heiter is a traitor to the Nazi cause. He doesn’t care about just killing the Jews, he wants to enslave the entire human race.”

“Woah, hold on a second there, Clive. Slow down a bit.”

“Ok, this may be a bit hard to believe.”

“I believed you about the Time Machine without seeing it, and now that I have seen it I know it’s true.”

“Okay. Basically, there is a secret society of lizard-people who have lived under the Earth’s surface for tens of thousands of years and they planned this whole thing out. Dr. Heiter is one of those lizard-people, or at the very least he works for them.”

“Ok now you’re bullshitting me.”

“I swear this is all true, it was hard for me too.”

“Can you prove it?”

“Well, not exactly. Let me ask you one thing though.”

“Go ahead.”

“Who gave you the idea of concentration camps?”

“My former advisor.”

“What was he like?”

“I don’t remember a whole lot, just the fact that… wait  a second.”

“What is it?”

“He was… BLACK!”

“And you trusted a black guy?”

“Oh my God, Clive, you’re right! I should have never trusted a black guy. And besides, black people aren’t smart enough to plan out elaborate concentration camps, unless of course he wasn’t actually a person but instead a lizard-person! It all makes sense now!”

“Where is that man now?”

“He’s dead now, but we still need to get Heiter.”
Hitler immediately grabbed a pistol out of his desk and ran out of his house.

“Where are you Heiter?”

“Right here.” Came a hissing voice behind Adolf.
Adolf turned around to see a ten foot tall lizard swipe his glock out of his hands. Hitler screamed and fell.

“I heard your little conversation Adolf. I’m disappointed in you. I’d hate to see you end thousands of years of planning. We’re so close to achieving a utopia.”

“EAT LEAD YOU BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
Immediately Hitler heard nothing but the rattling of machine-gun fire and saw bullet holes with blood gushing out pop all over Heiter’s snout.

“Phew, thanks Clive.”

“That wasn’t Clive.”

Adolf turned around to see Leonard with an AK-47 strapped around him.

“What the hell?” muttered Hitler.

“What the hell?” yelled Clive.

“I just wanted to carry it around to look cool, but golly-gee I’m really glad I brought it now,” said Leonard.

“Leonard, just grab the DNA machine and give it to Hitler and explain to him how it works. Hitler, just make sure you don’t have any other employees who want to create the Human Centipede. I’ll get the Time Machine ready.”

Leonard explained to Hitler how the machine worked and told him to keep it in a safe, and then he went inside the Time Machine with Clive. Leonard typed in the location of the League of Extraordinarily Strange Gentlemen’s base and put the time in for 11:54 p.m., roughly 5 minutes after Clive and Leonard left Icke’s office. There was a flash of light and they were right outside of the old shack which served as TLESG’s base.

“Leonard, I’m exhausted,” said Clive.

“Me too buddy, shooting up lizard-people is hard work.”

“Not just that Leonard, I mean this whole thing. I honestly think I’m going to quit. I want to get rid of all non-Caucasians but I don’t know if all of this effort is worth it. I think I’m just gonna go home and tolerate all of the other races. Besides, that Martin Luther King Jr. guy was killed only a few months ago, I bet the ‘civil rights movement’ will be ending sometime soon and white people will dominate again anyways.”

“Oh Clive, that’s no fun.”

“Leonard, most of us live normal lives, and don’t get caught up in this shit.”

“Well Clive, couldn’t we at least use the Time Machine to go to the future and see if white people do dominate the other races?”

“No, I’d prefer to stay in the present and just wait to see how the future turns out. I’m gonna head back to my apartment and try to get my life back in order. Get a job, maybe hook back up with my girlfriend.”

“So is this goodbye?” Tears started to well up in Leonard’s eyes.

“Yeah I suppose so. Look if you want to keep doing this Icke doesn’t really need me. His original plan only included you anyways.”

“But I’ll miss you Clive!”

“Ah hell, you’re one messed up guy Leonard, and you’re Jewish, but after all we’ve been through I can’t help but have an ounce of respect for you. If it matters to you that much I can write my apartment’s address on a slip of paper and give it to you. Maybe in the middle of stopping the Babylonian Brotherhood you can stop by.”

“That would be awesome! I have pen and paper right here!”

“Alright, don’t get too excited.” Then Clive took the pen and paper and wrote his address down, which he then gave to Leonard. Immediately, Leonard gave Clive a hug in case they never saw each other again and Clive gave him a light pat on the back in turn.

“Goodbye, Clive.”

“Goodbye, Leonard.”

Leonard went inside the base to continue his fight against the Babylonian Brotherhood.

Clive left the alley to walk to his apartment, which was not too far away, to continue his life before the intervention of the Time Machine.





The End?

Last edited by Walrus King (3/10/2012 4:55 am)


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#107 3/10/2012 2:00 pm

Slicknife
Member
Registered: 7/10/2010
Posts: 6605

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Walrus King wrote:

Next part in The Time-Traveling Racist:

“What do you mean Clive?” asked David.

“Well Dave, while Leo and I were in Germany in the year 1943 we met some crazy asshole who was trying to create the Human Centipede. He also told us he was working for a ‘higher authority’ than the Nazis. That added with the fact that there were concentration camps which fit the description in the pamphlet, and it’s pretty obvious that we need to head back there.”

“Yeah, we should’ve expected it all along,” replied Leonard.

“No actually Leonard, we shouldn’t have. Only an idiot would have suspected something like that. There is absolutely no reason that idea should have occurred to us, now shut the hell up.” Leonard Obeyed. “Now, let’s go grab the thing that can target people’s DNA and go to the time machine.”
Clive and Leonard parked the machine in front of Hitler’s house.

“Leonard, bring the DNA machine in and I’ll talk to Adolf.”
Clive knocked on the door and waited a few minutes. After Adolf’s wife opened the door Clive punched her in the face for being a slow bitch and knocked on Adolf’s door.

“Who is it?” responded Hitler.

“Clive Johnson.”

“Ah yes, come in, come in.”
Clive walked in and saw Hitler at his desk. Sitting directly across from him was Dr. Heiter.

“Dr. Heiter and I were just discussing the possibility of creating a, uh, what was it called?”

“The Human Centipede.” Replied Heiter.

“We’ve decided that it would be a great way to humiliate the Jews, and make Germany an unstoppable force. What did you want to tell me? Do you have the weapons yet?”

“I have one weapon, Leonard is bringing it right now,” said Clive. “Although there’s something else I need to tell you, in private.”

“Alright, well Doctor, if you wouldn’t mind leaving…”

“No I don’t mind, I have business to attend to; Human Centipede business.” Then he left.
Clive whispered now. “Dr. Heiter is a traitor to the Nazi cause. He doesn’t care about just killing the Jews, he wants to enslave the entire human race.”

“Woah, hold on a second there, Clive. Slow down a bit.”

“Ok, this may be a bit hard to believe.”

“I believed you about the Time Machine without seeing it, and now that I have seen it I know it’s true.”

“Okay. Basically, there is a secret society of lizard-people who have lived under the Earth’s surface for tens of thousands of years and they planned this whole thing out. Dr. Heiter is one of those lizard-people, or at the very least he works for them.”

“Ok now you’re bullshitting me.”

“I swear this is all true, it was hard for me too.”

“Can you prove it?”

“Well, not exactly. Let me ask you one thing though.”

“Go ahead.”

“Who gave you the idea of concentration camps?”

“My former advisor.”

“What was he like?”

“I don’t remember a whole lot, just the fact that… wait  a second.”

“What is it?”

“He was… BLACK!”

“And you trusted a black guy?”

“Oh my God, Clive, you’re right! I should have never trusted a black guy. And besides, black people aren’t smart enough to plan out elaborate concentration camps, unless of course he wasn’t actually a person but instead a lizard-person! It all makes sense now!”

“Where is that man now?”

“He’s dead now, but we still need to get Heiter.”
Hitler immediately grabbed a pistol out of his desk and ran out of his house.

“Where are you Heiter?”

“Right here.” Came a hissing voice behind Adolf.
Adolf turned around to see a ten foot tall lizard swipe his glock out of his hands. Hitler screamed and fell.

“I heard your little conversation Adolf. I’m disappointed in you. I’d hate to see you end thousands of years of planning. We’re so close to achieving a utopia.”

“EAT LEAD YOU BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
Immediately Hitler heard nothing but the rattling of machine-gun fire and saw bullet holes with blood gushing out pop all over Heiter’s snout.

“Phew, thanks Clive.”

“That wasn’t Clive.”

Adolf turned around to see Leonard with an AK-47 strapped around him.

“What the hell?” muttered Hitler.

“What the hell?” yelled Clive.

“I just wanted to carry it around to look cool, but golly-gee I’m really glad I brought it now,” said Leonard.

“Leonard, just grab the DNA machine and give it to Hitler and explain to him how it works. Hitler, just make sure you don’t have any other employees who want to create the Human Centipede. I’ll get the Time Machine ready.”

Leonard explained to Hitler how the machine worked and told him to keep it in a safe, and then he went inside the Time Machine with Clive. Leonard typed in the location of the League of Extraordinarily Strange Gentlemen’s base and put the time in for 11:54 p.m., roughly 5 minutes after Clive and Leonard left Icke’s office. There was a flash of light and they were right outside of the old shack which served as TLESG’s base.

“Leonard, I’m exhausted,” said Clive.

“Me too buddy, shooting up lizard-people is hard work.”

“Not just that Leonard, I mean this whole thing. I honestly think I’m going to quit. I want to get rid of all non-Caucasians but I don’t know if all of this effort is worth it. I think I’m just gonna go home and tolerate all of the other races. Besides, that Martin Luther King Jr. guy was killed only a few months ago, I bet the ‘civil rights movement’ will be ending sometime soon and white people will dominate again anyways.”

“Oh Clive, that’s no fun.”

“Leonard, most of us live normal lives, and don’t get caught up in this shit.”

“Well Clive, couldn’t we at least use the Time Machine to go to the future and see if white people do dominate the other races?”

“No, I’d prefer to stay in the present and just wait to see how the future turns out. I’m gonna head back to my apartment and try to get my life back in order. Get a job, maybe hook back up with my girlfriend.”

“So is this goodbye?” Tears started to well up in Leonard’s eyes.

“Yeah I suppose so. Look if you want to keep doing this Icke doesn’t really need me. His original plan only included you anyways.”

“But I’ll miss you Clive!”

“Ah hell, you’re one messed up guy Leonard, and you’re Jewish, but after all we’ve been through I can’t help but have an ounce of respect for you. If it matters to you that much I can write my apartment’s address on a slip of paper and give it to you. Maybe in the middle of stopping the Babylonian Brotherhood you can stop by.”

“That would be awesome! I have pen and paper right here!”

“Alright, don’t get too excited.” Then Clive took the pen and paper and wrote his address down, which he then gave to Leonard. Immediately, Leonard gave Clive a hug in case they never saw each other again and Clive gave him a light pat on the back in turn.

“Goodbye, Clive.”

“Goodbye, Leonard.”

Leonard went inside the base to continue his fight against the Babylonian Brotherhood.

Clive left the alley to walk to his apartment, which was not too far away, to continue his life before the intervention of the Time Machine.





The End?

Pretty good.

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#108 3/10/2012 6:30 pm

Shrub
Moderator
From: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Registered: 5/14/2009
Posts: 9155

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

For those that say fiction is a lost art, let this be a slap in the face to you. We are truly witnessing a case of literary genius.


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#109 3/12/2012 3:29 am

Walrus King
Member
From: Tennessee
Registered: 12/2/2009
Posts: 4570

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

So I just found out that my family kept a crappy story I wrote in 6th grade. I read it because of nostalgia and I was surprised by the fact that a time machine is central to the story. Makes me wonder if the idea of a time machine is ingrained in my head somehow, and if it is it makes me wonder why.


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#110 3/12/2012 5:58 am

God.Of.Green
Member
From: PA
Registered: 8/2/2010
Posts: 3974
Website

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

That's actually really cool, or a coincidence. But I think it's possible.


http://gyazo.com/19f7908ead03a2054c1f4acad04010b4.png?1338784313http://gyazo.com/3352f4e60488a90d343f9513146ac296.png

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#111 3/12/2012 1:30 pm

Slicknife
Member
Registered: 7/10/2010
Posts: 6605

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Green the width of your sig is 150 px.

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#112 3/12/2012 3:56 pm

Shrub
Moderator
From: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Registered: 5/14/2009
Posts: 9155

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Slicknife wrote:

Green the width of your sig is 150 px.

First of all, the height of his signature is 150. The width is 400. And 10 over the limit doesn't matter; you're just being petty for the sake of being petty. If someone's sig is obnoxiously large, I'll let them know. Otherwise, there's no need to play back seat mod.


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#113 3/12/2012 4:41 pm

Slicknife
Member
Registered: 7/10/2010
Posts: 6605

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Shrub wrote:

Slicknife wrote:

Green the width of your sig is 150 px.

First of all, the height of his signature is 150. The width is 400. And 10 over the limit doesn't matter; you're just being petty for the sake of being petty. If someone's sig is obnoxiously large, I'll let them know. Otherwise, there's no need to play back seat mod.

I was going by the terms length by width.  I'm not sure if it's right but I always think of the longest side as the length and the shortest as the width.  I read somewhere that it could be the other way around. I refer to height when the object is 3 dimensional.


The definition of width: The measurement or extent of something from side to side. 

You could say you are right but then look at this:

The definition of length: The measurement or extent of something from end to end; the greater of the two or three dimensions of a body.

They seem to be contradicting each other so you can't really say which is width and which is length.


And yeah I was being petty for the sake of being petty. smile

Last edited by Slicknife (3/12/2012 4:46 pm)

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#114 3/12/2012 5:34 pm

God.Of.Green
Member
From: PA
Registered: 8/2/2010
Posts: 3974
Website

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

._____. ok


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#115 4/15/2012 5:57 am

Walrus King
Member
From: Tennessee
Registered: 12/2/2009
Posts: 4570

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

So in the last section we all wondered, was it the end? The answer is a resounding NO! Here's the next part:

“What the fuck is this? I ordered a hotdog with everything on it, and you forgot the damn sauerkraut!”

“Maybe if you didn’t order food with massive amounts of disgusting shit on it, it would be easy to remember everything. I sincerely apologize for forgetting one little thing, dumbass,” replied the vendor.

“You think you can just insult your customers like that you little bastard! I’ll fuckin’ call your manager and sue the hell out of you people!”

“I’m an independent vendor you moron. I am the manager, now go the hell away there are other people waiting.”

The disgruntled man walked away and the next person in line, a drugged-out hippie walked up next.

“Yo, hot dog man, what is today’s date, bro? I totally can’t remember.”

Clive Johnson checked a calendar he kept on his hot dog machine. “It’s June 20th, 1969”

“Thanks dude…” then the hippie left.

Later that night Clive went back to his apartment.

“Hey honey, how was work today?” asked Clive’s girlfriend from the kitchen.

“Shitty, as usual, Jane.”

“Stupid customers? Hippies?”

“Exactly, we have all this stupid shit now. This will undoubtedly go down as one of history’s least memorable decades.”

“At least there’s a lot of good music nowadays.”

“Yeah but there’s also been a lot of shit ever since people considered niggers to be serious musicians.”

“CLIVE! What did I say about racism?”

“It’s a habit, dear.”

“Look, there’s no need to get angry. Life may seem mediocre right now, but we’ll save up enough money to vacation in Las Vegas a month from now.”

“We can only hope so.” Clive then sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.

“Richard Nixon has declared that Apollo 11, a space pod headed for the moon, will be launched on July 16th, and is estimated to arrive on the moon around July 21st.” said the local news reporter on screen. “In other news, a music festival will be held on August 15-17 southwest of Woodstock, New York.”

“We’re finally getting men on the moon?” asked Jane.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Clive nonchalantly replied.

“How is that not exciting to you! Do you have no sense of adventure?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just used to incredible things, nowadays.”

“What could have possibly happened in your life that would be more incredible then men landing on the moon?”

Clive sat and thought for a minute. “Eh, nothing I guess. I’m gonna go to bed, goodnight.”

Jane later walked into the room bare-naked. When Clive saw her he slowly felt an erection rise up. She lay in bed next to him and started rubbing his cock. His penis was now a whopping 11 inches long. After that they got out of the bed and she got on her knees while he stood up. She promptly started sucking his cock while rubbing it. After a few minutes, he took it out of her mouth and slapped her in
the face with it.

“OW! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?”

He then just slapped her in the face with it again.

“SHIT! FUCKING STOP THAT CLIVE!”

“What the hell is wrong with you today?”

“You just slammed my face with your dick! I think it’s bruised!”


“Oh shut up!” Then he grabbed her and threw her on the bed where she landed on her belly. Clive then stuffed his penis inside of her and fucked her doggy style. After all was said and done Jane complained that Clive was too aggressive during sex, like she always does, and then they went to bed. Clive then had a dream.

Clive sat on a couch in his apartment and watched The Twilight Zone. Suddenly he heard the doorbell ring. He opened the door and a black man was standing there.

“What the hell do you want,” mumbled Clive, “I’m watching TV.”

“This will only take a bit of your time, sir. I’m a Mormon and…”

“A fucking Mormon!” Clive laughed. “Mormonism is such a dumb religion. Besides, you’re black. God doesn’t love people like you.”

“God loves everyone, brother!”

Clive then punched the man in the face and slammed the door. No black man is going to call him “brother”.

Clive went back to watch The Twilight Zone. On the screen there was a black man sitting in the U.S. president’s office! It was the same man Clive had seen in his earlier dream. An Asian scientist walked into the office.

“We have a cure!”

“Really?! This is wonderful news! How does it work?”

“We simply type in the DNA code for white skin pigmentation into the machine, and let the gas spread, killing all of them.”

“I see. I’ll find a way to put them all together in camps, and then we'll send the gas through the air system.”


The scientist and the President shook hands and the scientist left.

Rod Serling then came on the screen.

“And so, after thousands of years of dominating the planet Earth, the white race had been effectively ended, in The Twilight Zone.”

Clive woke up screaming.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” asked Jane.

“Just a nightmare, it doesn’t matter.” Then they went back to sleep.

A month later Clive and Jane were in a bar in Las Vegas.

“Isn’t this wonderful, Clive? I knew it would be.”

“Sure is, babe.”

Clive was drunk. He was almost always drunk nowadays though, it helped him tolerate the mediocrity of his life, especially his girlfriend, who he couldn’t stand if not for her good looks. The movie 2001: A Space Odyssey was on the TV screen, until the bartender changed it to BBC.

“What the hell did ya do that for? I was watching that you prick,” said Clive.

“Neil Armstrong is about to step on the moon you asshole,” replied the bartender.

In the meantime, the song Space Oddity played on the screen. After Armstrong landed and cheering erupted in the bar, Clive started to feel sick and left to go for a walk. After a while he ended up in the abandoned outskirts of the town. As he continued he started to hear an odd sound in the distance. He walked towards the general direction it was coming from and eventually got up to a warehouse.

Hmm… this sort of sounds like that new weird band…Pink Floyd or somethin’…

He walked around the warehouse to find a door that wasn’t locked. There was a BBC truck parked next to the door. Once he got in it was very dark but he faintly saw a large group of people standing in front of him looking the opposite way. The thing they were looking at appeared to be a studio set. The landscape was entirely grey desert, with lots of holes everywhere. To the side was a spacecraft of some sort, and in the middle was an astronaut who seemed to be flying, but upon closer inspection Clive noticed some strings attached to the astronaut. It all looked vaguely familiar but Clive couldn’t quite pin it down, perhaps if he weren’t so drunk he would be able to.

“What are you doing here?” whispered an oddly familiar voice. Clive turned around to see a pasty, glasses-covered, big-nosed face. “You look drunk, come outside.”

The man grabbed Clive by the collar of his shirt and led him outside of the warehouse. He then hugged Clive.

“CLIVE, IT’S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU! I KNEW YOU’D COME BACK!”

Clive pushed the man away. “Who the hell are you?”

“It’s me, Leonard.”

“Huh? Leonard?! What are you doing here? What is all this?”

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s the moon-landing.”

“Oh… right. Wait a second, it’s not real?”

“No, of course not! Landing on the moon would go against everything discovered by science, I would know, I’m a physicist.”

“Oh yeah, I had completely forgotten that. How did you even graduate college with a physics degree if all you study is shit anyways?”

“That’s not important Clive, what’s important is that you need to keep the moon-landing fraud a secret.”

“Why is it being faked anyways?”

“David Icke put it all together, we want to trick the lizard-people into thinking that humans are far more technologically advanced then we actually are.”

“Man, that guy really does have connections.”

“So… how’s life?”

“To be honest with you, it's terrible. It’s just hard to be entertained after you’ve been through all the adventures we’ve been through. Plus my job and girlfriend suck.”

“You should come back with me, we can stop the lizard-people together, and get rid of all non-Caucasians!”

“You know, that’s not such a bad idea.”

“Great! Let’s go back inside the warehouse and talk to Dave. We’ll discuss what to do after the moon-landing. And I’ll tell you what we’ve got accomplished while you were gone.”

Last edited by Walrus King (5/6/2012 6:10 am)


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#116 4/15/2012 12:21 pm

Madnex
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Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Niiice! Certainly more interesting than watching the spaghetti boiling.


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#117 4/15/2012 3:03 pm

User972302
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Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Madnex wrote:

Niiice! Certainly more interesting than watching the spaghetti boiling.

I can relate entirely. I was doing this two nights ago haha.


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#118 8/5/2012 6:16 am

shadowalex5
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Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

I guess this story will never be finished. sad


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#119 8/5/2012 7:40 pm

Walrus King
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From: Tennessee
Registered: 12/2/2009
Posts: 4570

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

I didn't think anyone cared. I wrote about 4 pages (that would be about as long as the last entry I think) shortly after I posted that last bit. I didn't want to post it yet until I got more done so I guess I'll write some more to it then I'll post it.


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#120 8/16/2012 4:31 am

Walrus King
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From: Tennessee
Registered: 12/2/2009
Posts: 4570

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Well, I haven't started working on it since I started school this week so I'll just post the stuff I already wrote before. It's not much but if actually care about reading this Alex then I suppose you could read this bit to pass the time until I have a chance to work on it some more.

Leonard and Clive then went into the basement of the warehouse, which was a League of Extraordinarily Strange Gentlemen base. Clive was surprised to learn that TLESG had bases in multiple parts of the country.

“While you were gone, Clive,” started Icke, “our scientists have been trying to isolate the genes that make people anything other than white. We have also hired some psychics which I would like you to talk to later.”

“Is that it?” questioned Clive. “What has Leo been doing this entire time?”

“Janitorial work.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes. What did you expect?”

“Well it’s been about half a year, I was expecting more progress than that.”

“Oh, well go talk to the psychics. They’re over in that room.”

So Clive left to meet the psychics. The lights were turned off and the room was completely dark except for a lone candle in the middle. Surrounding the candle were three men in long red robes, who were chanting something in a language Clive had never heard before. Clive turned on the light-switch and all the men turned to him.

“What the hell are you doing?!” yelled one of the men.

“Dave told me to talk to you guys, so what exactly do I need to know?”

“Couldn’t you see we were in the middle of a séance,” replied another man in a pretentious British voice.

“Can’t you see that I don’t speak French you stupid prick?”

“A séance is when men get together and communicate with the dead, real men, men who don’t barge into other men’s business all willy-nilly,” replied the same man.

“Holy fuck I don’t care, just tell me whatever it is I need to know.”

“I assume you are the one they call Clive Johnson?”

“Yes.”

“Based off of the Mayan Calendar and our own revelations, we have predicted that the end of the world will occur on the 21st day of the 12th month of the 2012th year. We don’t know exactly how it will happen, but the Babylonian Brotherhood are surely behind it. We need you to go there in early 2012, to give you time to understand the culture and stop the Babylonian Brotherhood.”

“Alright, I’ll go get Leo.”

Although he didn’t show it, Clive was excited about his newest mission. He didn’t realize how much he missed the adventures he and Leonard went through until after they were gone. But now he was about to relive the thrill that he used to hate. The best part was that now he was travelling into the future. Clive tried imagining what the future would be like, perhaps it would be like the science-fiction literature and movies (one of his favorites being Planet of the Apes) of his time predicted.

Eventually he caught up with Leonard.

“I need to talk to you about something, do you have a second?”

“Sure Clive, what is it?”

“David Icke’s psychics have given me a new mission, want to come along?”

“That’d be awesome! Where are we going?”

“We’ll still be here in Las Vegas, we just need to go to 2012.”

“The future!? I can’t wait to see all the hover-cars, laser-guns, and I bet we’ll colonize the moon!”

“We’ll see Leo, we’ll see.”

After that they went inside the time machine, a flash of light appeared, and they were in 2012. They were in a dark, deserted alleyway. Luckily nobody saw the Time Machine appear. Clive and Leonard covered the machine with some trash and locked the door to ward people off, after that they went out to see what the world had become.

Although there were no hover-cars or laser-guns, Clive and Leonard were both thoroughly surprised. For the most part, Las Vegas was pretty much the same. There were still the same buildings with the same flashing lights. It was still bustling with activity from both people and machines. The biggest differences noticeable were that all the buildings and cars looked slightly sleeker and less blocky and that there were advertisements with sexual content.

“Well, I’m pretty disappointed, Clive.”

“Me too, Leo. I was expecting a lot more progress after all these years.”

“Alright Clive, I guess we should try to figure out what the Babylonian Brotherhood is doing right now.”

“How will we do that?”

“Well I guess we’ll start out by reading the newspaper.”

“Well how are we gonna get a newspaper if we don’t have any money with us?”

“We have loads of money actually, I stored some back in ’69 in a bank account, we should have $50,000 now.”

“That’s pretty damn clever Leo, lead us to the bank.”

Clive and Leonard then entered a bank and obtained a debit card.

“Can you believe this Clive? And I thought the future was boring. We have all of our money in this card!”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool, now let’s get a newspaper.”

Clive and Leonard then walked over to the nearest department store and bought a newspaper.

“You guys are actually getting the paper?” asked the man at the counter.

“Obviously,” retorted Clive.

“You don’t need to be rude, sir. I’m simply surprised since most people use the damned internet nowadays for news. I much prefer good ol’ written word. ’”

“What’s the internet?” asked Leonard.

Then the man laughed. “You don’t know what the internet is? Have you been living under a rock?”

“Uh… yeah sure,” replied Leonard, and then he left.

“The rock thing must be an expression or something Leo, just read the newspaper and see if there’s anything useful in it.”

“Alright, let’s see what it says here. It’s May 10th, and it says something called the Bilderberg group is meeting on May 31st in Virginia. It also says that a local pawn shop owner died, Richard Benjamin Harrison. This guy must’ve been pretty well-known, there was a TV show about his pawn shop. Here’s some stuff about the next presidential election, this should be pretty important, the Babylonian Brotherhood is bound to use this in their plot. Clive? What are you doing over there?”

Leonard walked over to Clive, who was staring at a glass door.

“Leo, look at this. It’s some sort of sequel of Planet of the Apes, it’s called Rise of the Planet of the Apes. There’s also a remade version of Planet of the Apes, I guess it’s the same thing except with better graphics. Look at this, these costumes look exactly like real apes how do you think they do that?”

“It’s not important Clive, you need to stop dilly-dallying and study this newspaper with me.”

“Leo, we need to buy these with that fancy card.”

“Buy advertisements?”

“No, I asked an employee about them, he stared at me for a while and then explained that those things are cases with a disk inside of them. Somehow you can put the disk in your TV and watch the movie right there!”

“Really? Let me see these. There are so many different shows and movies this is incredible! Let’s come back some other time, this’ll take too long.”


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#121 4/4/2013 1:40 am

Walrus King
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From: Tennessee
Registered: 12/2/2009
Posts: 4570

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Does anybody care about this story at all? I know there weren't many people who cared in the first place, but even just a few was enough to motivate me if I was bored enough. I've had lots of long intervals where I stopped writing but the last time I stopped I pretty much just decided to quit. If even one person is dying to get to the end, though, I might continue it.

EDIT: By one person I mean one person I have respect for. The noobies and trolls don't count.

Last edited by Walrus King (4/4/2013 1:41 am)


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#122 4/4/2013 2:49 am

Shrub
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From: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Registered: 5/14/2009
Posts: 9155

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Walrus King wrote:

Does anybody care about this story at all?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: I hold these in similar regard to Mongoose's comics; good for a few cheap laughs, and entertaining enough to read, but with a cheesy story and extremely forgettable characters. (I can't remember anything other than the fact that a time machine was involved, and that's probably just because of the title) I don't really care if you continue this or not, but I'd probably end up reading the next installment out of boredom eventually; take that as you will.

If you do decide to continue it, then you might want to consider providing a short recap for those of us who can't remember much and can't be assed to go back and read any of the story. At the very least, you should move the entire story to your original post, so people don't have to jump around the pages to find the next section. (I'd do it, but I'm fairly busy at the moment.)


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#123 4/4/2013 5:58 am

Walrus King
Member
From: Tennessee
Registered: 12/2/2009
Posts: 4570

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Alright, I probably won't continue the story at all in that case. I actually can't remember all the details myself anyways, so if I do continue it I'll have to read the whole thing again. In which case I would summarize the story up to this point and put all the posts together.


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#124 4/4/2013 2:20 pm

Rodimus Mike
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Posts: 3475

Re: The Time-Traveling Racist

Write for you, not for anybody else.


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